I was setting up a nursery six months ago and trying to decide whether to use cloth diapers or throwaway diapers. My life was about to turn upside down twice, and I had no idea it would.It began with a dull pain in my thigh. I thought it might have something to do with being pregnant, like a twisted nerve or sciatica. Things got worse. I got through it because I wanted to enjoy every moment with my daughter Liora after she was born. I was crazy about that new baby smell and those little fingers. But the pain got worse over time. I was so weak in the morning that I couldn’t even rock her.
I finally got scanned. That’s how the doctor looked when he or she walked in. The one that says “this isn’t going to be simple.” It was a rare type of soft tissue cancer that spread quickly and was very deadly. I remember holding on to the edge of the hospital bed and thinking, “I just gave birth.” Canc3r takes up too much of my time.
Chemo started right away. My milk ran out. Most nights, I had to give Liora to my mom because I couldn’t stop throwing up. The growth then spread to my thigh bone. They told me that cutting off my limb would improve my chances. I didn’t cry when I signed the papers because I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.
I woke up from surgery with only one leg and a lot of guilt. I wasn’t able to carry my baby. When she learned to crawl, I couldn’t chase her. I bought a dress for her naming event but I couldn’t wear it.
I’m still here, though.That was three weeks ago. I’ve begun exercise. Liora has new teeth. Also, I saw something I wasn’t meant to see in my medical file this morning. They didn’t tell me about a scan. Now I’m not sure if they’re telling the truth or if I’m about to get into another fight.
